Valley fair and DRAMA

So valley fair was awesome as it always is despite the weather i get when i go there i always have a blast, and left feeling slightly Sick which is mainly what i aim for, rush into rides and then eat until i cant move sit for a minute and rush back into the rides until i feel sick...then head home and pass out until the next day ^.^ what a nice day despite the cold wind which once the adrenaline flows you cant feel anyways, next Friday i am pretty sure me and josh are gonna go to valley fair which is gonna make me super happy because he hasn't been there and yay!

But on the flip side... The whole time at valley fair josh is texting me. He saw mike yet again but this time coming out of the police station talking to what he said looked like an investigator. So josh gets nosey and calls up someone and find out he went there to get some people caught up and out of his way for some reason that wasn't specified. SOOO of course josh is like man he is talking about me and pun. I get pissed off because you know what he has a lot of people who don't like him and he could be there talking about anyone. But josh reacts to that as if but the person i talked to says he is still on the whole Twiggy trip and it could be me he wants out of his way. But that chance is slim. I just don't get it . WHY does all my drama come from one person who doesn't even associate with anyone i know???? UUGGHHHH people suck...

I hate that you Breathe

This morning started off reasonably well, 15 minutes late to school but that was about it. Felt real good waking up this morning no dreams nothing this weekend chilled with my brothers a little, but this morning josh took the back roads down 7th street to university instead of the highway and i was looking out the window and saw someone walking up the 7th you know probably nobody special...but no i thought i was hallucinating and i just finally gone crazy and thought it was mike..but no josh starting to laugh and i was like damn it is mike. I immediately looked aright ahead and lit a cigarette praying he didn't see me. so much just slapped me in the face i have been trying to get rid of but its impossible everyone i talk to now seems to have something to say about him to me..I DON'T CARE i am trying to work my way trough the physical and emotional scars that man left on me and i don't need to know that he hangs out and face to face and tells ppl he still talks to me...So i asked josh if he saw us..And he says yeah he turned around walking and stared....MAN!! just hopefully he maybe didn't recognize me...RIGHT! goddamn epically since that dream i had when i woke up shaking i have been more paranoid out and about than normal and this just Almost broke me completely.. i feel as if im about to have a panic attack and not looking forward to the bus ride home today...OMG why am i making a big deal outta this..it was no bug deal...I just think im losing my FUCKING mind...

HOPEFULLY valley fair tomorrow will put me in a better mood and help me forget...

Woke up shaking

yet another nightmare waking me up at an odd hour last night, this one was really vivid and intense and i was literally shaking...I wonder if its BC i just never really got to talk to ne one about how i really felt and what was running through my head and my fears for the future and honestly i probably never will i don't want people to think im just complaining whining get bored and blah blah but damn that dream just scared the shit outta me....

Summer

SO the best thing about the summer coming up is no school and sleeping in late, HOPEFULLY getting a job.
the worst part of the summer is the expected heat that will come along with it mainly bc My room is the hottest in the house and even though we have a/c it never seems to work in there....gr it makes me mad but mostly it will be good AND next month i have my drivers test available for me to take and i know it all pretty good except for the fact i have yet to attempt parallel parking ahaha that should be fun.
So since i was so down yesterday and is not much perkier today the boyfriend called a whole bunch of places yesterday to see if they were hiring..what a sweetie. But this morning on his way to work his car broke down AKA my moms car which he was using to get to work, his boss came and got him because yet again my mom had something to do or was sore or lazy..I don't even remember the lame excuse she used this time. I mean she didn't even come to the dinner theatre because she had a TOOTH ache.. she spends all her time doing things for my little sister who blames everything on her gets whatever she wants and what she doesn't get she steals from my mom...JUST pisses me off so much. So i am getting to the point where i wanna slap my sister and say WTF? and do the same with my mom .. my sister cant do wrong in her eyes and I'm the fuck up. I swear i hate this.

Dead end

It feels like I'm at a dead end in life...i feel useless..I'm broke all the time, no one will hire me...and i am officially depressed there is so much i wanna do in life and i have no money to do any of it. There is so much more i would like to say but i don't wanna wine about it...So yep

Some post secrets i like

Wiki??

Okay i dont get really why we made a wikipedia account..I dont really know much about things in depth like that to contribute to the site..I just dont understand what the point is

A great book and a little rant..

So i got home watched a little of 300 and tried shrimp wonton soup and i really dont know what i thought of it so i gave the rest of it to josh who was completely wiped out from work today and fell asleep on the couch soon after he was done eating so i popped a hot pocket in the micro, Grabbed a couple of mountain dews and grabbed the book i have been working on, The on called Identical

Amazingly good book, dark and twistid as some point in these girls lives but the ending just shocked me. throuout the book you are switching between the twins perspective on life one being cold and incapable of love due to her fathers abuse the other one wanting it so bad angry her sister cant feel it and drowing herself in drugs while the cold one attempts suicide once or twice and in the end find out that the bad sister died years ago in a car wreck brought on by her dads drinking and driving which turnd her mother away fro mthe family and her father deeper in drinking and now that she has realized she is indeed one person....i dont know its hard to explain ill probably end up telling you sometime tommarow at school so be prepared...But simply amazing..

in other words I was trying to figure out how to get my itunes restored on my pc and was looking through the music store and came across a new eminem video called 3 A.M and the pic was him in a tub of blood so curiosity got me and i searched youtube and found it pretty quickly, and if you know me i always judge him pretty harshly not to say i have never liked him but i preffer his old stuff when his lyrics WERENT aloud on the radio and he went more by slim shady. But anyways the video lyrics where pretty good but his voice annoyed me. It was almost like he realized how much of a sellout he became and is now trying to get back to the old chool and it didnt seem to work.. another thing that caught my attention was at one point he had in all white contacts....If you know Anything about eminem you know his fight with the icp and twiztid, i side mostly with twiztid and the juggalos on it..But anyways THEY wear all white contact and then after i noticed that his video ver much resembled some of twiztids stuff and it kind of made me laugh..like is he for real? i hope it was coincedence but i can already tell you i am probably not the only juggalo to notice it.. ANyways heres the video just so you have some idea what im talking about. but if you dont know twizitd it wont make much of a difference

anxiety and me

Yeah we are good old friends i have had it since i can remember and i have it so incredibly bad that it cut me off socially for years without me saying a word in school to teachers, peers noone i had one female friend and a couple male friends and i was good to go but even around those friends that were like relatives i still didn't say much. social anxiety rules my life and lately i don't want it to any more. so i have been racking my brain for ways that it will go away. There are always different kind of pills but i dont see a psychotherapists, i would like to maybe but i don't know if i can afford it..So i will have to deal, I suffer from anxiety attacks every so often and i cant stand it!!
Oh and in other words my brother DeMoN called me this weekend saying that he sycked to hear about the wookifoot show at the school and he was down..AND he kept on calling me auntie..FInally i yelled at him and in mid yell i realized what he was trying to hint at...He is gonna be a dad!! the last one of the bros i thought to be having a kid. Pun has close to four kids now and none of the other bros have any that we know of so now that demon is having one i was liek WOOOAAAHHHH


DeMoN is in the top left corner and wow this pic was taken by me a loong time ago. But just for kicks
(left to right) DeMoN, Chico , gitchi (tall one in the back) TipZ (down in front) ,Baby roaches and Pun
that pic was taken waaaay back in the day before i got to creative arts and was in my party phase along with all those guys .. oh and just ignore there hands...Only pic i had of the boys i could get to at this moment..

SOO

So i got new white out contacts for the dinner theatre and i amd going tobe wearing them quite a bit so i can be completey used to them by the perormance, i think there pretty cool had some nice reactions from people. Made me laugh


ugh bad pic..
theres a better one.


but anyways my flickr projec on japan is well in my flickr and for some reason or another i cant get the pix to work right on here to visit my flicr page!!!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/twiggyrules/

OKAY?

So i posted the pix i had on flickr..well some of them and the notes i had on them didnt show up...ill have to talk to becky about it in the morning.

Travel Fantasy

So for my travel fantasy I decided to go to japan and see everything from old school culture and shrines to new, modern Buildings, technology and people! Another great reason is all there Fantastic food that i will eat...I will spend most of my money on food and clothes... such as.

Weight and healthy junk..

So earlier this year i decided to cut out soda and join a gym..well actually i was doing really good for a while and was down to mabye on soda a day and drinking vitamin water, going to the gym..But then my membership was up for the trial days and we didnt have the money to get me a full one. so i stopped going. Then i was bored and thirsty and no water around. But there was mountain dew.. my soda of choice so i gave in and is pretty much drinking it regularly now. I feel really guilty when i think about it and im sure i have regained some weight. but either way i seem to always feels bad about the way my body looks. So i wear baggier shirts and 2 pairs of pants. Even when i lost a couple pounds here and there. So yeah..i have issues with my weight and such and me being really lazy and bored most of the time doesnt help..But it could just be my anxiety..

Weirdness..

I think i got to stop taking a naps when i get home from school. I just just have weird dreams lol! but basically..My dream was i was in school but it was a different like bigger more like a college there were a lot of interns and junk taking over classes and we were watching some kind of American pie like movie but it was different. anyway the part that completely threw me off was i went on to math class and during the lesson Becky and Caleb started talking and apparently they were dating?? and i think Becky was trying to break it off and caleb was heart broken and on the verge of tears so Becky was trying to re arrange her words as to not sound like she was breaking it off..! ha! how weird was that then i woke up going What the f?
SO thats what the rest of my day was spent doing i fell i asleep when i got home woke up around 8:30 to dairy queen and was happy..Played on the xbox and got on here...Pretty awesome.*note sarcasm*

Japan stuff

SO i have a ton of pix and all that for the trip im planning...Fake planning but in any case i should be getting something from it like this site i went lurking into that has to do with japanese fashion and i fell in love with a ton of stuff on this site!! pretty spendy tho...ill save up for it!!

http://maruione.jp/en/maruionejp-hiderock-design-c-59_239.html

the link to the page so i wont forget it...lol!

WELL

So this weekend was okay kinda slow and kinda boring, i gave blood and Got really sick feeling and so i left school, and stopped on the way home got my hair did and it looks pretty good i like it. Now all i need is to get my hair of the internets. Gonna be a while though. On saturday we went to my moms best friends wedding and like always i was bored out of my mind. Left pretty quickly.About the time where the band stared up and i finished eating and downing three glasses of champagne for the toasts..aha! good times. but little tiny sips of champagne doesnt affect me at all so eh. SO i went home and chilled out.
Tried to get to the mall so i could get a new hoodie but it was closed already..bad luck for me. Sunday i woke up early to get to the damn mall and it turns out hoddies are more spendy than i remember so i guess i have to wait for more moneys . but we did get some nummy mall food and that made me happy, also me and josh pre ordred the new modern warfare for ps3 and 360 gonna be a good game.! so excited doesnt come out until november.
ON to the last thing of the day. This morning on the way to school i saw Jay walk into the plasma center across the street from shcool. Which kinda freaked me out. Jay was the guy who mike tried to stab to death and yes it was good seeing him up and alive and i do know he goes there sometimes but i cant hlp but wonder if he is still friends with mike at all..(you would have to know jay to know its a good possibility) and if he is near...But i didnt think much of it. Even tho i had yet another dream and seeing jay right after was kinda weird...But oh well i am off to try and find out how to volunteer at the humane society...which is harder than it should be.

Frusteration..!

Soooo Last night was the twiztid show and i choose not to go because i knew if i went there would be drama!!!! I was right about that a friend of mine went and my crazy ex was there looking for me and going around asking where i was and yeah yeah yeah then proceeded in getting his glasses broke and chased out of the concert.. lolz which is kind of funny but what bugs me is why he is still looking around for me at shows..the next time they come into town i am going to go and if something happens it happens but I'm not gonna miss out on super fun concerts BC I'm worried about him...

Anyways last night was another night that josh worked until 11:00 and i hate his new shift because i get sooo bored at home and I got really hurt over something that was really little, my mom came home last night and had gotten my sister and her fast food i haven't really eaten it much lately but they didn't even consider if i was hungry..No one thinks of me in my family..Is like they don't care..For some reason it just hurt ALOT i feel invisible and it makes me more self conscious and just feel bad..Not to mention i am starting to get worse symptoms of my schizophrenia..Its scares me but theres really nothing i can do but shake my head and focus my thoughts else where..I don't think most of you knew that about me but I'm mild schizophrenic and its normally not that bad but lately it seems to be worse...

But on lighter terms I am giving blood today and maybe getting my hair done if we have time otherwise I'm doing it tomorrow. But at the same time i didn't eat anything yesterday and I'm gonna be giving blood?? I'm not sure if its the smartest thing to do but i enjoy giving blood. My boyfriend is here and hes gonna be giving to!

Weed saving our economy?

So i was wondering the internets and went to msn.com...a place that you know as a good news site so things on there are usually relatively big stories...well really big on the front page i noticed a massive bag of pot and the title "A budget cure: Marijuana taxes?" SOOO i got to reading and well ill stick some direct quotes in here..but i think they are getting serious about this..
"In the early 1930s, one of the reasons that alcohol was brought back was because government revenue was plummeting," Harvard economist Jeff Miron said. "There are some parallels to that now."

"George Mason University's School of Public Policy, valued the American marijuana trade at $113 billion annually. / the federal government and the states were losing almost $42 billion a year by keeping marijuana illegal, "

"It's a very large, significant economic phenomenon, and it is diverting an incredible amount of money from the taxable economy," Gettman said."

This on is my favorite...

"The Obama administration seems to be inching toward a more permissive stance on marijuana."

SOOO basically what they are saying through out the article is it would bring alot of money back to the economy and create more jobs. The article says obama is inching towards the idea but if you watch the videos he says of course not!! with a wink wink almost feel to it. i dont know what washington is up to right now.. but I just want to know how you peoples feel abot it?? do you think it will stimulate the economy?? I do urge you to go read the article.. the link is here go read..And SHyeah...Interesting stuff


http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/StockInvestingTrading/a-budget-cure-marijuana-taxes.aspx?gt1=33002

Dreams

My dreams used to be pleasant and i really do love my dreams i look a lot into them and i take a lot from my dreams i try to remember them for the most of part and interpret them. Lately The have been tormenting me. With weird dreams of my ex boyfriend mike. Some of you may have met him in his time here at creative arts. But anyways they have caused me to lose sleep just because i don't wanna close my eyes i take it as something bad is about to happen involving him. Or..I just don't know but i don't like it. they have been going on for almost 2 weeks now and i just hope they pass soon. I wanna enjoy my dreams again. Another thing why it bugs me so much is that when i dream its very vivid and ill dream like pt 1 one night and it will continue on to the next time i sleep so when there bad they torment me.

But anyways Today i woke up a little later than usual BC josh had offered me a ride to school since he had to wake up late from work they switched his times for today for some reason then pretty soon here he has a dinner meeting with the vice president of the whole company! that could be a really good opportunity for him. Especially if he gets in good with the VP he got this meeting scheduled after his boss had decided he must meet with the big boss and made the meeting madatory for josh I'm excited for him i hope it goes well. But anyways so i got a new make up color yesterday with a target gift card i found and it is really blue and really brown i didn't put on the brown today but i did use my bright pink and blue and it is pretty cool looking i think i could do better blending and such. I feel like a nerd yesterday after i got hope from target i sat in front of the mirror and put make up on and took it off several times and it looked horrible every time. I wish i new someone who was awesome at make up or i just need better colors and brushes and such. maybe... ^.^ But in any case i cant believe its Wednesday already it feels like Tuesday...I hate that feeling like your a day ahead or behind...

Family Guy being inspirational?

Well i was watching family guy a minute ago and it was an episode where Lois got a job as a director of the local theatre group and she chose the king and i. well peter got her to let him be the producer and eventually took over the show turning the king and i into something to do with aliens robots and half naked chicks instead of Siamese children. Well yes it was funny but he completely destroyed the play and THAT inspired me to never ever do that to a play lol if that made any sense at all....

fake traveling project thingy..

im going to be picking japan. Always wanted to go there. will go there eventually and i am gonna hop all over but mainly stay and explore tokyo and kyoto !

weddings..And makeup

To me weddings and make up are very far off from each other. But For most people they go hand in hand. When i look at weddings i have always told myself i would do it one time. I dont want to bother with divorce and crazy such nonesense, Which i almost made that mistake already but i snapped out of it and relized my ex fiance was not the person he made himself out to be and the real him slipped out. So i stopped myself And found someone new i love Josh very much but after i got my heart broke and almost made that mistake of marrying him i want to take the whole marrage thing slow.

make up! I love it. i cant do it worth a crap like i said before and for some reason it always fades runs off and looks bad after like an hour of me applying it. It sucks. I love the way it looks and well i guess the more vibrant the colors and crazier the blending is the better! yep...

TOO HOT!

for some reason or another when we moved into this new house. I got the smallest room in the house. (which feels like my closet in the old house i had a big room) so it was weird at first but soon after i got comfortable i noticed that if its cold outside my room is always 10 times colder. but as soon as it gets a little warm its ten times hotter in there! i already have fans and the window open and I'm dying! and I'm a freeze baby. So i cant sleep. Which sucks because I'm so tired that my eyes actually hurt. So i decided to come on the stupid computer update you all on my smoldering hot bedroom...Which no i am actually cold that im out of there...This is frustrating me i hate my room...so much I hope i get to have the basement soon or move out.. But in other news. I heard rumors that rich is taking students to Europe next year..Now i am SO hoping i get to go.. I have always wanted to go! but money is an issue and if i go the bf will want to. which is a possibility bc he is fluent in German and has been over Europe before and can help out a lot. So maybe but money again...issue. I'm poor. On that last note. I will just be sitting on here looking at make up styles and wondering how people accomplish them and such things bc as some of you can see i Epically fail at it...Like this one i wont even attempt...I suck at life lol!!

Running with scissors is dangerous

Yes it is, that is why it is the perfect title to this movie. Which i am really trying to concentrate on. But i seem to be failing at. Normally i love this movie and would watch it quite easily but today I'm kinda spacey. The things that are going through my mind instead of this crazy movie, is basically I'm bored....I am bored with myself and i need a change. on top of that i NEED a job I'm to the point where i am sick of looking and need one. I have worn myself out looking for a damn job and i am sick of being broke. I guess i will have to drop out of the poetry slam. I Spaced the fact that i didn't write but only one piece so. Screw it. Back to the movie notes.. How old is book man anyway? There relationship seems very illegal. lolz! I find it even funnier that the shrink is allowing that to go on. Aren't they supposed to alert the authority's? But i guess a shrink that would suggest a staged suicide to ditch school wouldn't care.

here's a list of things i want done in the next month...


1. Get a job
2. Get my hair died
3. order some hair
4. Start paying back my mom
5. Start looking at apartments (found some decent ones on craigs list)
6. Give blood
7. maybe get my nails done?? That's about it.

Needed a list of things i have to get done. Make a hair appointment for Friday on Wednesday. lolz yup that's it.

Hollywood: Destroyer of literature

Why is it that every good book that i seem to read Hollywood comes along and completely ruins? The should leave books alone. Books are supposed to be left to the imagination to create the characters and how they look and sound. The reason for my rant is i just discovered in 2010 one of my all time favorite book series that i haven't even finished reading. (getting the next one tomorrow) Cirque Du freak Is being made into a movie...Which i was very excited for until i saw the actor lists. one of the main characters who i adored in the book is Named Mr. Crepsley who in the book is an 'unpleasant' but wise vampire with green hair. Buffer than hell and etc.. Hes fricken played by john C reily...

As most of you will know is will ferrell's idiot of a friend in most movies and as big of a moron as he is...If you know me you will know my grudge on will ferrell and john reilly..I fricken hate them!! not to mention there is a boy in the book being played by some chick. Im just so frustrated they are gonna mess up this book 100 times worse than they did harry potter or any other book.. I now want to punch john c reilly in the face as well as Hollywood and whoever did the casting for this movie. MORONS!

In other words along the lines of cirque du freak i recommend it to anyone into freak shows/vampires that don't sparkle like lame twilight ones and violence :)

running with scissors pt 3

When he finally arrives at the doctors house the look of the place should give him a clue that he is utterly insane. Then when he meets natalie all i see is her as a little girl in the movie thirteen doing drugs and acting crazy. She only seems to get weird parts in movies, and there would be no way i would let her put that electro shock machine on me. But i would probably try and put it on him..Be funny. I have always wondered who in the doctors family is most crazy..?

running with scissors pt 2

Okay i have been to a shrink before but i have never had one ask me about my bowel movements. i would get up and leave right then and there. that guy in this movie is more crazy than his patients. except for deidra. i would say that she is worse. most defiantly.

Running with scissors

This movie is a great one. His mom is completely nuts and he isn't much saner. slightly more so. Must be hard to watch your son grow up in that environment. with a crazy person and start to act like her as well. I would have been filing for full custody. but then again since his father didn't do that. you have to think did he even care? most likely not. His mother is not only insane but a jealous bitch. But you can tell that she completely digs fern. lolz. So busted

Scatterbrain

So last night I couldn't get to sleep i watched adult swim for a couple hours and did laundry throughout the show. Having severe anxiety issues and self esteem problems on top of that so i ended up spacing out the window for about a half hour around midnight. Then when i almost got to sleep my boyfriend started to snore really really loudly so i started kicking him. until he finally shut up and then i got to sleep. during the time i was awake i was brain storming for the poetry slam which i have yet to begin writing most of my stuff for. i have one half way done and it is turning out pretty good. ill have them done by Monday. i do seem to write my better stuff when I'm depressed anyway.